377 days, blog #126 hard to see, hard to write

I don’t know what to write.  Earlier in the day, I had it in mind to write about upcoming theater projects.  Then, after news broke thisafternoon, I felt I needed to process today’s headline through a blog.  So I came online to do that… got distracted by Facebook… and an entirely different story that both inspires me and puts me to shame for all that I haven’t done to make the world a better place.

Ugh.  My brain is every which way.  I want to do something more than just write… because, honestly what good does it do other than to indulge my own ego declaring a perspective on current events?  I don’t have enough drive to do something great.  At least, I don’t think I do… any more.

And it’s not even that I want to do something great.  I want to do something good.  Something to chip away at the anger and misinformation and total lack of imagination in these repetitive stories and their subsequent outrage.  But how do I do that without succumbing to my own anger and short tongued retorts?

And why do I care?  It’s not my story.  I know a lot of people who want to argue that I’m wrong anyway.  I’m not about to agree with them… but sometimes I do feel the feeble nature of my voice and wonder if my protests sound more like a high pitched whine than a rally cry.

This is probably one of the whiniest blogs I have ever written.  At least it feels that way.  Because I don’t know what to say.  I know I want to cry –both tears of frustration and tears of awe for my brother-in-law with all that he does to make an actual difference and contribution towards these really tragic divides of our universe.

So… what is the lesson I am supposed to learn today?  It’s kind of hard to see.

Credit Patrick Brosset via Flickr Creative Commons