How I Decided to Stop Seeing the Ugly in Winter

It’s been a weird day. My whole sense of time is disrupted with the atmosphere’s frosty bereavement… not to mention mine own. But as I was hastening to put things in order before leaving the office today, I looked away from the computer screen towards the window, where the sky was aglow with a yellow framed with purple and blue sky. Oh… whatever. Trying to describe a sunset always sounds like a cheap rip-off of what it actually is. Breathtaking. A stolen moment. The reminder that Nature, for all her temperamental tantrums, is really quite awesome.

The sky still glowed as I drove home in the frustrated traffic. It is wearisome this weather with diminished lanes creating longer lines at the traffic lights. But… the roads were none the less clear and dry where some very hardworking Public Works employees have made it possible to get to and from one place in spite of… everything.

So that set me thinking. It’s a pain in the ass… but this winter isn’t all that bad. Considering. Maybe you’ll tell me I’m a doe-eyed optimist. But, no. Truly, a recent tragedy just managed to shift my eyes to appreciate all that is good. Even under piles of crusty, dingy snow.

The rest of my drive I resolved to find myself ten reasons to be okay with this winter. Ten reasons to stop grumbling and follow the path of petty whining. Because… here is my reason number one. I am here to enjoy it. I am breathing, seeing, making my way through three foot piles to start to shovel… I am here. It resonates today. Of course it does. But, why should that ever be something I take for granted?

2. Not to sound like I’m giving you this medicine because it’s good for you and not because it is a delicious treat… I don’t live in Australia. My home, my environment, my livelihood is not being swept away in a flood of muddy water. Nor am I in New Orleans, still cleaning off oil clumps, even though the media forgot about me. Or Haiti, living in a cholera infested pile of rubble. All told, another foot of snow isn’t THAT BAD.

3. It isn’t 2008. Seriously, you want to see Mother Nature unleash her bitchiness? We did. Well, Central Mass did. Two winters ago. That was catastrophic. It was like driving through a tree genocide after that. Maybe that’s extreme… but man, the fallout of that winter weather was extreme. Houses without power for weeks. No heat. No hot water. Yeah, that brief taste of combating the cold by mere fireplace put out any romantic notions of 19th century living forever.

4. I have arm muscles. Well duh. Obviously I am not a freak of human anatomy. But this year I decided to spend time with my hand weights to make up for the fact I’m not running and still sitting on my bum at two computers most of the day. Shoveling (even though I do rather begrudge the opportunistic nature of some to take advantage of my zealous attitude) is a great substitute for this exercise, not to mention affirmation. Even with all the hurling to enormous heights, I have learned to stretch and use these muscles in a workout so that I don’t hurt the day after. And… hm… I am actually noticing some visible definition. 

5. Snow days. It is disruptive on some levels. Yes. But… I have to admit, there is something satisfactory in being able to have a cup of coffee in my own house and work on my writing. It is more time to attend to that writing, start the teaser blog, and get the damn book published online. 

6. The Loring Greenough House. Why I’m not going to tell you. Just that I walk by it more frequently than the entire five years I’ve worked in Jamaica Plain. It could be the Fulton House. But, whatever… I have immense awe with old houses. And this one has been under my nose for so long… and only now am I really discovering it.

7. For that matter, the whole world has a different appearance. It really is pretty in most places. But it gives new dimension to everything. Yes, it hides a lot… but there is something powerful in seeing things in a different light. Or half a light. Or having to find it, which makes you see something all over again. 

8. 37 degrees seems warm. I think I have an adaptable threshold. But all this wintry stuff makes above freezing seem like a heat wave. Is that really a good thing? Well… when one considers the cost of heating oil, it alters the point at which one raises the thermostat.

9. There will be green grass because there will be water. One of the few things I remember from working at a botanic garden (in a snowy winter) is the fact that snow is good for plants. Well, obviously not tree branches in some circumstance. But… this will really make the spring feel that much more delicious.

10. And that’s really… sigh… that’s the thing isn’t it? Sometimes it takes seeing the ugly to make us appreciate the beauty. Number 10 is a repetition of number 1. But life is good. It is really so good and so beautiful. It has some uncomfortable details… some really tragic circumstances… grief that makes us sad because we know what is lost… but you can’t have light without dark.

And maybe that’s my through line. We need the winter. Just as I need to go do some hammer curls and push ups right now. Not exactly what I’d like to do (have a glass of wine and watch Bill Maher)… but if I do it, it makes life less painful to endure. And eventually… spring will come again and we’ll forget the details of the weather that made this winter such a chore. But I guarantee, we will remember the one or two things that made it right.