One Brief Shining Moment

Yesterday was one of those days where there wasn’t a single spy of irritation, but a battalion. They were minor infractions against my optimism. Minor like a paper cut that gets under your fingernail. Things that… really… aren’t so bad, but for that initial minute, hurts like hell.

Well, in truth, some of them aren’t so minor. But… I’m just trying to see the bigger picture these days. Really. Life can always be so much more worse. And nothing that is bad now can’t be fixed eventually. And… who is to say that what is bad now isn’t necessary to make something good happen down the road?

But this morning, I was out shoveling the wet snow all by myself, knowing full well that whatever fell on the driveway after I left wasn’t going to get cleaned away before it turns into a gloopy mess that will freeze. I got frustrated. I wanted to cry. All those fingernail cuts of yesterday started to smart and make me want to be a grump all day today.

Then I get in the car and people are morons. I am a little more cautious in my Prius driving in the snow, without the control of a stick shift… but I still think I can drive with some sense. Unlike the environmentally and humanly oblivious drivers of SUVs who decide that just because they can power through the snow, they can drive like jackasses in front of everyone else.

Then I was stuck in a long line at a traffic light. Some melodic soundtrack was playing on my iPod. I forget what it was… but it complimented the gentility of the snow landing on the trees in Chestnut Hill. The world was slow, but really, really pretty. And I was there, breathing, hearing, alive to see it. A moment I didn’t want to squander with the blind fury of my petty irritations.

Because… as annoying as all those little things were yesterday, there were good moments, too. I observed the unabashed affection of my mentee and her closest friends. There were Christmas lights everywhere as I drove back home and then to Worcester. The drive was worth it because I got to enjoy a Smithwicks at a really cool bar, with good friends, and a large dog who pestered me endlessly for attention.

Life is never all one or the other. If anything, having all these vexations furthers the appreciation of all that makes me happy. I get that… and I get the fact that I need to let go of the vexation and just forgive what I can’t control. Because, in the whole vast configuration of things… really… forgiving is more about me than about whom or what I absolve. It is a selfish act that makes me a happier person, more willing to create happiness in whatever I do. But… the frustration… those little paper cuts… come these days when the rest of the world remains oblivious to that. And so it seems, sometimes, it’s just easier to live in the vacuum of discontent like everyone else.

Except I can’t. It creates an unhappiness even more penetrating than those slight infractions. I have to keep my eyes open to all that IS good, even when sandwiched between the wretched, inglorious details. Maybe my persistence in always looking at the bright side of life is annoying. Or seemingly naïve. Or maybe, I hope, it will inspire you to just take a second to draw in a breath and see what is pretty in this brief, passing moment. Because, it’s yours.