Contemplative 10 for 09

The year has less than fifty hours remaining. More like forty now. Really, my life isn’t going to change drastically between 11:59 and 12:00 tomorrow night, but something about the change from 09 to 10 makes the completion of days this week a little more… final.

I know a lot of people who had a rough year in 09. There were some heartbreaking losses and grueling challenges for so many I know and love. Conversely, I witnessed a LOT of joy this year. Namely, it was the year of the baby. I’ve lost track of how many friends and family have welcomed children into their lives. I kind of stopped counting once I wasn’t able to figure it out on all my fingers and toes. But so many happy, unadulterated smiles flood my emails… and their babies are pretty darn cute, too.

Personally, 08 was more brutal to my emotions… but 09 was a fallout of that. I retreated into a private cave of more anti-social habits than I have demonstrated in years. A little cocoon of healing that yielded a great self-discovery. I did get out to see some of those babies and grieve with those who had to cry over broken hearts and lost friends. In the midst of all that, I found an appreciation for being ALIVE that I haven’t had before. A recognition of this mortal coil and the tapestry created by the co-stars and cameos in my life’s picture. It’s been eye-opening and… to some degree rejuvenating.

What this year has taught me (even though there are always petty annoyances that tie my nerves into frustration) is that every day is a gift. I don’t want to sound like some cheesy, vomit inducing greeting card… but that phrase is overused because it is so damn true. There is something beautiful and precious to every moment we take in a breath. A lot of times I don’t see it – when those petty frustrations overwhelm me – but these days I’m trying. Trying lots to see what the world has given me, sometimes because I deserve it… but often without my asking or even thinking to conjure the wish.

So, I don’t wish to close out my blogging of 2009 with the infamous moments or the notorious. I may be a little repetitive of my Thanksgiving sentiments, but I intend to end this year not wanting to slam the door on its completion. I want to celebrate 10 things that were good and why I am so very, very, very glad that I was given these 365 days of breath and sight and experience.

1. Writing. Are you surprised? But, seriously this was a BIG year for that. Obviously. There are 192,000 some words to prove that point. I finished a novel. Didn’t just start. Finished. Like six drafts. Carved it up and sculpted it into something new. I got home from work and sat myself at the computer for hours and hours until it was done to the point that I wanted to share it. But more significant than that, I found my voice. And the courage to start using it.

2. Readers. I’ve always been involved in theater, courting my friends to come see my play and fill the coffers of the community theater where I’ve donated my time and soul. But it’s a couple hours of entertainment and a team project. The people who read my book… and even those of you who read my blog… you have no idea – no idea at all how VERY much that means to me. That you take the time not only to read, but to share your opinions. Whether you are my best friend or someone who stumbles upon my text accidentally, I will always value the fact that you choose to read my words. ALWAYS.

3. Oakham. There is a lot of complication in the story of the house in which I spent many weekends this summer, the house in which I grew up. A house whose future is in some undefinable limbo. But there was a simplicity and relaxation to stealing away from the city and reminding myself of what the dark really looks like and the noises of the country versus the noises of the highway.

4. Family.  It's an easy thing to say and can be said often.  I do like that Facebook has put me in more contact with my cousins spread out all over the country.  Especially to catch glimpses of the adorable wee ones we don't get to see all that often.  I realize the precious moments with my grandmother.  I watch my parents getting older and recognize the value of the minutes.  This year we had visits from those far away and just as many gatherings with oh so many plates of food.  But it is one of those things I want to appreciate when I have it, not one I have to notice when it isn't there.

5. Urban Improv. That’s where I work, if you didn’t know. Freakin phenomenal. Life changing. I love that I work for an organization that really cares. I’m not just saying that. They do care. So much it makes me want to care more. So this year I did by becoming a mentor, an experience in which I think I am sometimes the mentee.

6. Worcester. Maybe the absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is nearly the sixth anniversary of my escape from Central Mass. 2009 pulled me back there quite a bit. New friends with whom I have found an appreciation for the Abbey, random daytrips, and whisky – not to mention an artistic ambition. Old friends with whom I reconnected (Facebook yet again). And friends who have always been in my life, but with whom I haven’t spent as much time in recent years. Makes me start to wonder if I really want to live so far away…

7. My Prius. I wanted one for years. I saved and purchased one in February. It really is a nice car. A little more than I need in some ways. But it does make me feel like I’m doing something for the environment… or a little less damage when I keep going back and forth to Worcester. I love my Kermit. 

8. Vegetables. I invested in a farm share this year and (even without the smart edits of Food Inc.) discovered an appreciation for local produce. Fresher, better tasting, and… there is that healthy thing, too. I entertained the thought of giving up meat, but ended up deciding it wasn’t for me. But in the process, I started eating more veggies and learning how to cook them so I don’t need meat all the bloody time. And that is a very good thing.

9. Alone time. There was a lot of alone time. Although, a fair chunk of it was populated with conversations I created between my characters… but it was a solo creation. There have been bouts of loneliness, especially as I’m starting to grow weary with it. But I think there is an enormous value to spending time with self. I understand that unlike many of my peers, I don’t have a child or another obligation that does not allow for so much isolation. I also know it is a dangerous cave into which one can enter and maybe not return. But there is something empowering in knowing oneself, the good, the bad, the ugly. It only works with honesty, a lesson I hope to keep with me as I enter next year.

10. Birth and death. I already said it at the start of this. But this year there was so much of both, which elucidates the simple beauty of it all. And makes me really, really appreciate that no matter what happens in a year, it is ALWAYS a good year when one has breath and legs to walk and people to love.

2010, here I come.