I hate cell phones

This year at Banned in Boston, there was a sketch called “The Anti-Social Network.” There were two young lovers sitting back to back in a Starbucks texting admirations and double entendres. The punch line came when they stood up, faced one another, and had no use for each other at all.

I was thinking about that this morning as I drove in to work from Worcester, after a delightful night amongst friends. Except… I’m going to be honest… for the added company of cell phones. 

This was not my first social occasion when I’ve noticed I’m the only one not reaching into my pocket to pull out my mini touch screen in the middle of a conversation. In fact, I would pretty much say this is a standard behavior these days. Be it a party, a dinner in my dining room or restaurant, or even just in the company of one other person in my living room. And… I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT.

I don’t pull out my phone because I lose track of my it. Besides, it’s a flip phone. Remember those things? With buttons (not a keyboard). It has a camera – not really a good camera. But it makes calls… it texts… and I’m not really interested in either.

I accept I’m a stick in the mud here, exhibiting my inner curmudgeon. I think about how Victorians reacted to the horseless carriage… and how foolish they were to disregard such a useful mode of transportation. I mean… is not the world a better place… and so what if the consequences of the automobile are something… lost? Does it really matter if we disregard the green and pretty scenery we rush by, that once we might have appreciated with a less furious speed? Or that the cellulite accumulates on our thighs without the brisk paces to and from where we have to go? The motor is progress… and I’m just articulating an echo of those ignorant, pointless whines of nostalgia.

And, really, what are we losing? Is it not an improvement to conversation to have that internet in a pocket handy? How else can we discover that two minute nagging question of where that actor went after 1989? How else are we going to find our way if we don’t turn on the automated voice to tell us to turn left? The phone makes our lives easier, provides us with information and entertainment. So why all the fuss?

But for everything we gain… we lose something, too. We have the information ready at our fingertips, so we can do the research. We can distribute the information. And then we redistribute it immediately in a Facebook status so all the world can know the highlight of the conversation as it is happening. Letting all our other ‘friends’ in on the joke. That’s fun… but… it’s a limited view seeking those 420 character expressions of our moments. And… doesn’t it predetermine those moments for exhibition, while inhibiting… listening?

It may be the sensitivity of my observation, but it seems like there is less taking in what other people say in conversations. People check out when others speak, and check Facebook updates. Then the articulated speech is often like a series of statuses and opinions, consolidated to the depth of 420 characters. 

Which isn’t to say, my friends, I suspect a lack of depth in our conversations… but the distraction is sooo easily accessible… and forgiven. But I think I’ve lost my patience. Because, you know what? I want to listen. I want to digest what you say. I spend enough lonely time staring at a computer screen and voyeuristically reading your phrases. When I am with you, I want to be with you. Not your phone.