whisper words of wisdom

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Grumpy. Bitter thoughts going through my head from the second I stood on my feet. It’s so damn humid today. How can I be living in the New England Amazon when the grass is so brown? How can anyone doubt global warming when it’s been like this too long? Ugh, can’t fix that problem, so I just fixated on irritating people and thoughts in my own world, how thoughtless so and so is, why some people can’t get over themselves and accept an olive branch, why everyone is so condemning without knowing a whole story.

Grumpy. Grumpy. Grumpy. I know why. I didn’t run this morning. I elected to turn over and sleep at 5:30. Because I stayed up drinking wine last night. Writing… writing about a character who is angry at the world. But that’s no excuse. I was drinking wine because I drank coffee too late. And I ate poorly. And I didn’t run yesterday. So the toxic elements of my mind and my body didn’t have any option but to simmer.

And then it came to a boil this morning when I was pulling out of my parking space at Starbucks (more blood pressure rising caffeine) and got so freakin annoyed by the guy who was in my way because he had to let EVERY single person cross the parking lot before he turned which would allow me to exit. Then he had the gall to give me the right of way… but it was a moot point because I couldn’t turn… and so what if I didn’t have my directional on? He was making those two minutes an eternity and … ugh… so I turned the opposite way and realized I was being one of those drivers I never understand, who don’t have the time of day to be patient for thirty extra seconds. I was irritated because someone else wanted to be nice to other people. But I didn’t care because it interfered with my perception of how the day should go. And oh my God… I was thinking like a Republican.

Okay, that sentiment right there compounded the truth of that feeling. The hasty judgment and decision to malign a different way of thought because I don’t want to be associated with the wrong… the decision that the other side is wrong… that I’m just right because… well, I’m just right. 

Oy. No labels. I’m cranky today because I fueled my body with poor choices and frustrated the energy by not exercising. And it is disgustingly humid after a few delicious teasers of fall… and I am frustrated with the world and things that people do to other people that I don’t understand. Why there is so much anger? How can my attitude not be tainted with the constant barrage of bitter flavor?

Then Paul McCartney came onto this morning’s shuffle and reminded me to let it be.

Breathe in. Right. Because… seriously… is any of this anger worth it? Is any of the namecalling and illogical arguing going to bring people to a solution? Is getting in a huff because someone has the grace to let someone else go before him a justifiable way to see the world? Am I really that much more important? Because I can’t own up to the fact I made a poor choice to ignore my heart and not run this morning? No.

So, Sir Paul, there will be an answer. I will shine on until tomorrow.