change starts with me

Traffic moved ever so slowly through West Newton this morning. I kind of roll with the punches when that happens. I find a good song on the iPod and sometimes take those immobile minutes behind the traffic light to turn my eyes towards observation. Well, this morning I didn’t really turn my eyes but focused on the multitude of bumper stickers in front of me. A lot of sports paraphernalia, which honestly blurs my vision most times. But there was an Obama sticker, prompting a smile… and somewhere between all the Red Sox and Celtics logos was another nod to the pres with the statement, ‘change starts with me.’

I think a lot about change. Change that comes so fast and furious without warning or desire. Change that doesn’t come as swiftly as I would hope. But change is always there. With every minute the earth rotates on its axis, circling around the sun. There is change just as I sit and type up these words. I can be the author or the observer. I have the choice. I always have that choice to participate and steer the course of change. Or I can sit and watch, even numb myself into the oblivion of belief that change is not occurring. Until I look up eventually and realize things are not as they were when I went to sleep.

Obviously, this resonates as I watch all the punditry on the State of the Union tomorrow. Evaluation of his popular tagline. But on a different level, I’m frustrated as I look in the mirror and don’t see the swift result of a month’s worth of healthier eating.

They are different levels… and yet… not. I am a product of this life, this generation, this world… where I press a button and get what I want – what I think I need – in an instant. I mean… wasn’t it just three or four years ago when I bemoaned how long it took my dialup internet to download something? Now, I just take it for granted that an image or movie is there on my computer. When ten years ago… I actually had to go to a movie or go out and rent it. Or buy a CD. Even still, I could type an email and talk to someone far away when I lived in England. And receive a response within an hour – even though it was 3000 miles away. When I moved to college and lived 60 miles away, it seemed an eternity for the letters responding my epistolary inquiries to land in my mailbox. I had to go back to my landline to make a phone call. That was my reality. How… how did I get so demanding for instant change?

Things happen more quickly these days. They also break much more rapidly. Is that… better? So I can just cash in the broken thing for another, expensive, new and improved gadget? Is that really… change? Well, yes, technically. I just don’t think it is on the good end of the spectrum. Or really… improvement.

I sigh when I look in the mirror. Annoyed that I’m not reversing years of damage to my body with just three weeks of gradual change. Yes, I eat so much more green and fiber and less processed artificial garbage… but my body isn’t going to suddenly metamorphosize like all these paranormal critters I read about. It can’t. It shouldn’t. Sudden change like that is actually dangerous… and deadly. Not to mention… a recipe for change that isn’t appealing to continue long term.

But… I think of that bumper sticker. It resonated not because it was a Democratic sentiment. Because, I feel so devoutly that Ghandi had it right. “Be the change you want to see in the world.” If I want things to change, then I have to do something. Not just sit and click a button and expect something to happen. No, it isn’t going to happen RIGHT NOW.

Waiting is frustrating.  But you know... sometimes when I'm waiting for something (even if it's just a light) to change, I will notice something I don't normally let myself see.  Like a bumper sticker.  Or the fact that the snow melted... and cleared the sidewalks.  So I can run.  And contribute to my change.

I choose the first person singular pronoun in this blog.  Because I know I am responsible for me.  Because I know that change I crave - be it my mortal form or my world at large - starts with me.