2014 Here Now
I started writing a blog yesterday. It seemed the thing to do. Being January 1st and all. But my heart wasn’t in it. Even after typing up six paragraphs. The whole notion of brand new start and blank slate because I changed the calendar (which actually I haven’t yet because the new one is still in cellophane on the kitchen table, while 2013 hangs in its humidity curled weight on the wall by the cellar door). It seemed insincere. Not just because I haven’t unwrapped my calendar. Because… maybe the reason I haven’t unwrapped it… the calendar is incidental to the actual change taking place right now.
The end of 2013 was a blur.
But I can tell you I found myself in a moment when I wanted a
change. It was nearish to Halloween,
which by Celtic tradition is the new year (and one when mayhap the spirits of
the dead speak to us… if you want to think such things). But really, it was a moment when I saw a
chance… a scary chance… but one I knew I should grab lest it fly by… then lo
and behold, it reached back. And here I
am. Sitting in front of my fire
contemplating whether or not the fourth day of my new job will be a snow day,
but knowing if it is, I have a meaty new project to occupy my thoughts just as
well in my dining room as my new as yet unembellished desk.
I won’t go into all the gory details. Why I decided it was time for the leap. How weirdly circuitous it is in the large
picture of my life. In Worcester. All the glorious opportunities it unfolds in
week one. I will say, however, change
happens. Every day. It is cliché.
We all know it. Just as some
place in our brains there is the knowledge that we can either let the change
happen to us… or happen to the change.
And yet… that simple truth is the easiest forgotten. Because it is so simple. Which is why we make such grandiose gestures
on the New Year, on a birthday, on an anniversary… or Halloween, if you buy
into that thing. But there it is. Always at our feet like the ruby (or silver
if you are a book purist) slippers.
The thing is the change is right now for me. Not something I aspire to make happen in the
January yet to play itself out. It is redefining
the matter of my day to day. Reprogramming
my habits.
Opening up my mind and heart to a city I thought was suffocation. I suppose in time it will all settle into
some rhythm of commonplace… or maybe not.
I hope not. I hope that in 2014 I
retain this conscious of presence in the moment. Something to which I found my eyes widening
the days before I handed in my notice and saw the finality of things that were
so normal… but are now stored away in memory.
Of course this perspective is as fleeting as the moment it
sees. But maybe, perchance, I will
decide to come back to this blog a year, two years from now and remember how new
the year actually was as it transitioned to 2014. It is hopeful. It is overwhelming. It is humbling. It is not so really interesting when I think
of the fact there is so much to do that has nothing to do at all with waxing
philosophical. It is just. Here. Now.
Comments