pre-election humors

This morning my iPod offered up The Who’s Won’t Get Fooled Again.  Roger Daltry’s melodic scream livened up the parking lot of that particular mile on the Pike and was a fitting antidote to my simmering choler.

 

I like to think of myself as more sanguine these days.  But I admit my humor does alter a bit with the headlines of late.  I try to recognize that it is a passing piece of history – that six months from now the world will be ridiculous about the Red Sox again, when I will just want to tune out all the brou ha ha on Facebook.

Except now I’m spewing my own brou ha ha about politics.  About the impending election and my preference.  I don’t hide my opinion.  I don’t temper my anger over these things.  And I succumb to the urge to name call and prejudge.

So, no wonder then, that last night when I listened to Mitt Romney call me a name, that choler raised its temperature.  Enough to post it on my wall with a not so nice comment.  Because I didn’t like being lumped in with 47% of the country.  Because his prejudice of me based on my sympathy was a gross underestimation of my humanity, my intelligence, and yes, my sense of personal responsibility.  Victim, Mr. Romney, I am not.

But I woke up this morning in the silent monologue I have with myself in the half awake preparation for my day, contemplating how I’m not exactly specific when I generalize Republicans – as selfish, racist, sexist, homophobic, narrow-minded – oh, and did I say selfish?  If there is an exception, I always say, well there are exceptions – as though kindness and intellect and empathy to all races and genders was an anomaly to people who don’t think as I do politically.  So… how can I be upset when a presidential candidate presumes because I like the other guy that I’m a parasitic self-proclaiming victim of society?

I choose not to partake in the Republican party values and mindset because that is what I see when I hear their speeches, observe the actions they take for this country, the rally cries they send out to supporters.  I don’t see anything that reflects the goodness of who I am and who I hope to be.  But am I not losing some of that goodness with my own prejudice and namecalling?

But see, here’s the thing that does kind of suck about being a Democrat.  We second guess ourselves.  Because we are nice.  Too nice.  We do speak in haste and anger, see the reaction, the hurt, the misguided use of vocabulary and then take it back.  We apologize.

That’s how I am as a person – as I think I am more likely to be as a woman.  That internalizing of a second perspective.  Anger isn’t a worthy emotion to hold onto.  The irrationality of prejudgment has to dissolve to a different way of seeing things.  Because life just isn’t worth holding onto the petty BS.

But nice… can sometimes be used against us.

I have tried not to dwell too much on the lessons and closure this autumn has given me since one four years ago – another September before a vitriolic presidential election – when the politics of my own life were just as nasty and full of bullshit as those hitting the airwaves and internet.  Life has offered so much in the in between.  So much redemption.  New people.  Loss.  Triumph. Perspective.  Humility.   A new beginning.  So on and on.  Life goes on.

But one thing did float into my brain as I was contemplating this over my oatmeal this morning.   I thought of that September when someone accused me of a behavior that simply wasn’t me.  It hurt me deeply, so deeply to think that anyone could create the thought that I was capable of pretending to be nice just to cover up the fact I was, in fact, a truly mean-spirited person.  The context of that accusation is much more specific than Mitt Romney making a speech to high-priced donors… but the conclusion that eventually calmed my soul is what reverberates.  

I realized four years ago that when we (and I use the plural we to include the I) see a flaw in another human complexion, it often means we are accusing others of our own faults.  So… yes, when I call a Republican selfish, I am undoubtedly voicing my fear that I am selfish.   But I acknowledge that and determine to work on it – or work with it.  So, dear Mr. Romney, I think when you say half this country acts like a victim, not paying taxes, and feeling entitled to housing, food, and health care – well… well, gee aren’t you just admitting that you feel as though the world is out to get you?  So you don’t pay your taxes, but you expect full well for us to give you a job with health insurance and a house?  

I just hope that mirror doesn’t break the next time you throw a rock.