rest rest perturbed spirit

Tonight I went to Hovey. A relatively inconsequential detail to most people. To people in the know… well… I’ve had a few sympathetic inquiries to my reaction. Truth be told, it is almost a non-reaction - but for writing this here blog, which may or may not be a creation of melodrama where absolutely unnecessary.

Three years ago, that location knotted my sentiments into an inarticulate mess of hurt. I still fail to fairly describe what it was or what it meant. I shouldn’t really try to now as tonight proved it just simply doesn’t matter any more.

And that’s why I decide to write. I drove home the length of highway from Waltham to Worcester, taking impish delight to turning Florence and the Machine up to the maximum capacity of my radio and felt so completely all right with the present moment. Because even with all the upset of moving, the re-adjustment of my life to a new routine, a new setting, a longer set of minutes in the car, the massive shift of my reality, the dust is settling into a shape that was always there but required the shadow to show its placement.

Oh maybe this is the esoteric rambling of being tired and yet too wired to sleep. Or maybe it is the culmination of my satisfaction with karma. All too often I lament my impatience with the return pendulum swing. But wow, here it comes and with it such amazing grace of opportunity. It gives the 20/20 retrospect to all those hurt feelings. If I didn’t feel so badly I wouldn’t have retreated into that self-disciplined cave of writing. I wrote a book. I published it. And now the opportunities to get that book out and about are what I’m starting to appreciate and see.

It is a little story. So small in the grand picture of the world and its endless battles against difficulty. This was a difficulty I wished sometimes I hadn’t taken so much to heart, allowing my ego such a crushing bruise when, honestly, it wasn’t that bad. Maybe it wasn’t… but that hurt, well it motivated me to do the thing that got me to the place I am now. And now is a very good place to be.