out out damn spot

I admit I’ve been tuning my cognizance out when stories about the Gulf come on. One day this week I couldn’t pry my eyes away from the television. It made me a little ill. But at the same time… well, I don’t know what to feel. Anger? Sorrow? Futility? Depression? Apathy? Do any of those emotions do any good? Do they do anything to contribute to a solution? Is there a solution to which I can contribute?

I also don’t know if I should be angry at our government. Of course I want to defend my president, because I’m one of his sycophantic groupies. No… actually my admiration of the pres took a nose dive when he endorsed off shore drilling a few months ago. Guess this taught him a lesson. This taught us all a lesson. Or did it?

Seriously, did it?

I’m not exactly sure what happened in recent months, but the traffic pattern on my street has increased such that cars sit in line in front of my house waiting for the stop light at the corner. It’s a minor representation of what’s happening down the road on 128 or the Pike… but, still… all those cars idling, burning gas… oil. And then I get in my car and idle waiting for the opening to back out of the driveway to wait in line for the green light. And even though my engine shuts off… I’m still… drenched in oil.

Think about it. I look around at this desk here and try to see one thing that isn’t put into my hand’s reach without the assistance of oil. Not a one… except the tree pollen coating the window sill… mixed with soot from those cars… so guess it is tainted afterall. Really… I don’t have a thing in this room that doesn’t require oil in the manufacture or delivery. I mean… even me. The produce I eat, the pans in which I boil my pasta, the energy I power when I turn on the kitchen light… that’s all oil. I’m drowning in it. 

Well, at least I can still breathe, right? I mean, I’m not a crane or a fish that has no part of capitalist trade and yet made the stupid mistake of traveling through the Gulf of Mexico one day. But I think about this… and I feel trapped, unable to escape the oil. How do I do it? I drive a hybrid, but I still use gas. I… can I buy anything that doesn’t use oil?

This isn’t a personal guilt trip. Well, it is. Because I am SICK of the pundits pointing fingers at everyone else. Okay, yes, BP has some blood on its fingers and deserves to pay up for the cleanup. Not to mention fix the issue pretty damn quickly. Of course. But… even that… I can’t blame them for seizing opportunity. For buying into the free trade notion we celebrate in this country. For picking up the rally cry of drill, baby, drill. No one told them to stop. No one stopped buying.

Could the government have acted with more speed? You betcha. But… I really think this is a problem to which we all contribute. Every single day. I’m doing it now, draining electricity with my laptop and speakers. I’m not out there demanding we stop using oil… demanding we stop digging for oil… stopping my money from filling the coffers that can buy off the government officials to look the other way.

I’m not saying the corporate greed and government idiocy (of Bush AND Obama) isn’t evil. But we did nothing, NOTHING for eight years of the Bush ‘supervision’ when oil prices sky rocketed and wrecked our economy. We didn’t pick up the hint that oil addiction is bad. And truthfully, I have severe doubts this is really going to change things either. Because those cars still line up outside my front door.

Nor do I think people are going to stop pointing fingers. Because, people don’t want to admit they have oil stains, too.