Listening or the lessons from Lent 2014

So the Easter hubbub has died down.  And with it all those determinations of sacrifice and self-‘improvement’ one gives over to the 40ish days of Lent.  I confess it actually took me to get on the other side of Easter to find the determination to skip my glasses of wine and eat more veggies… but, really, that was a very haphazard intention.  In other words, a complete lack of one.

I did, however, find some success in my decision to take abreath and make a greater effort towards listening.  I didn’t do it every day.  Nor will I argue to you now that I am suddenly possessed with great vats of wisdom and patience.  If anything, I am much more aware of the fact of my failure to listen and take a breath and not react.

That awareness, though, is something I hope to maintain.  Something I hope will extend beyond the reaches of Fish Fridays (which I didn’t do either) and the disappearance of Cadbury eggs from the clearance aisles.

I do think this was a good exercise.  It gave some light to corners I probably would not have recognized if I plowed through life in my regular rhythm.  It took a lot of noise and shaped it into a few observations worth noting.

1. Part of listening is asking the right question.  In other words, give people something to say.  At supper club now, I pose a question to each of my guests that everyone at the table is encouraged to answer and in return listen to the answers of everyone else.  The questions are positive and a chance to celebrate a personal story or triumph.  Something we might share anyway… but the fact everyone has an answer establishes the quiet for listening.  And the best part is, I like my friends all the more because of it.

2. Not everyone really wants to be heard.  Not everyone wants to be the center of attention.  I always thought that people talk about themselves a lot because that is what they want.  But somewhere in the last six weeks, it occurred to me that people talk about themselves to shape the conversation and fill the gaps of silence so the observer doesn’t have a chance to see or draw a conclusion on their own.  

3. Hearing what people say can hurt.  I think we develop filters as an unconscious way to block out the meaner natures of ourselves and people we know (and love in spite of it).

4. Just because I want to listen doesn’t mean you will.

5. Just because I want to listen doesn’t mean I am doing it well.

6. Listening isn’t an option on Facebook.

7. People talk in person like they are posting on Facebook – extolling an opinion without any contemplation of the person or the perspective of the person right in front of them.

8. Taking away the noise sharpens other senses.  

9. The hardest person to listen to is myself.  But it was a necessary task in order to hear anyone else.  I started writing in my journal again.  I started writing a blog on a weekly basis to pay attention to the highlights of weeks that just whirl by.  Sometimes it’s work.  Or tedium.  But it is an investment, a much better contribution to the deletion of my stress level than any glass of wine.

10.  I like what I hear.

Keep talking.