Stop what's that sound? or hey, it's Ash Wednesday this week, so this is what I've decided to do

I suppose if I did a quick search through this blog, I would probably find another entry about Lent.  It’s kind of a mini New Year’s resolution.  A chance to renew faith in one’s attempt at self-discipline after the January determination runs out.  Plus, it has the added bonus of only being six weeks… and if you are of that school of thought… you can take Sundays off.

It is a practice in which I indulge every random few years.  When I need a reason to teetotal or cut back sugar.  And certainly, I have in mind to try one of those or a close cousin when the countdown to Easter begins this week.  But… as I have tried to sort out how to fashion into a blog my thoughts of recent days, I think I found a better one.

A few weeks ago I found out that someone with whom I spend a large part of my daily life has a very different opinion than me on a few (albeit significant) matters.  It really shook me.  Not because I (as I might have expected it to) I was disappointed that this person saw the world in a way that justifies having these opinions… but because it really didn’t change the qualities that I found very good and admirable… and that it is possible to think a different way and still be a decent person.  Ultimately, the discovery wasn’t about the other person, it was about me and how I let myself be prejudiced.

Something about that minor epiphany has stayed with me since.  I won’t say it has stopped me from thinking negative thoughts about Republicans or advocates of issues I find inhumane, but it inspires me to take a couple extra breaths and a time out before reacting.  And trying, I hope, to react with civility.

But I’m human.  I’m always going to fail on that one.

Which gets me back to Lent.  I think the awareness of my own fallacy has sharpened my sensitivity to the proliferation of it throughout society.  Well, maybe not all of society… but for the sake of keeping this blog short, I will pick on Facebook.  Because that seems to be where I notice these things most.

We don’t see the whole person.  We see a comment and jump to conclusions.  We piece together posted information (indeed the fragments that a random scroll every other day down the screen of a tiny rectangular device pop into view) and decide we know a person and all his hurts, joys, wisdom, stupidity, and history.  We draw hasty conclusions about what a person means, about how facts are incorrect… from whatever quick edit a tap into that handheld device allows… and render that a legitimate argument.  In my wiser moments, I will stay away from these situations on Facebook.  Sometimes I can’t resist.  And sometimes I just put the hornet’s nest on my own profile.  And I seemed to have done all of these in the last week – in spite of my recent burst of self-awareness.

One of these exchanges (actually one that was rather nice) reminded me of debates in high school.  Some point during yesterday’s wood stacking and frozen snow removal, I found myself thinking about debate club – how very different the opinions are that I defend now, as well as the rules.  A proper debate requires repeating back the opinion with which you disagree before framing the argument.  Which… requires listening to the other person.  Yes, strategically listening so as to frame the opposing statement.  But listening to what the other person says, which requires a little bit of thinking on it.

As I thought about that, I realized that Facebook doesn’t require listening.  You just throw your opinions out there without having to pay any mind to any other point of view.  If it is abstractly askew from the actual point, so what?  As long as you get to state your own opinion, that’s all that matters.  Thinking about and framing an intelligent retort isn’t a practice frequently utilized.

  

Maybe I was still stacking wood when this thought left the whole political/Facebook concept… and made me realize the lack of listening actually extends into conversation.  I try to be a good listener.  But I know there are several times when I just wait for someone to take a breath so I can expostulate whatever I’m thinking about, or share my story about this subject.  Even though I’ve probably told that same story twenty-five times or so.  Or it’s just the same story with different characters (which I think is true of half the conversations I have and try to slam the breaks on about theater politics).  

At my December supper club, after dinner we sat in my living room in front of the fire, with our second, third glasses of wine.   I asked a question that everyone had to answer.  I listened.  It really was one of my favorite supper club memories.  Because I forced myself to be present in that moment and in the words that fell from my friends’ lips.  

I want more of that.  I want to listen more.  I figure Lent is as good an opportunity as any to start.  Indeed, isn’t the whole concept of Lent because Jesus went out into the desert for 40 days?  And wasn’t the point of that for him to reflect… and listen to God or whatever?

So whether it be a Facebook back and forth or… more preferably, live human interaction around my dinner table, I intend to be more present in my world and listen.  I hope the practice of six weeks will make it a habit of many more.

And towards that end, I’m curious.  What are you going to do for Lent (be you believer or just someone who needs the parameter of a six week challenge)?  Tell me.  I’m listening.