a resolution that mattered and matters still

So the other night I wandered into that neglected section of Facebook profiles, “Notes.”  I usually visit it in December to type up my generic holiday wish of good will and happy conclusion to the year that has been.  This year I suffered a lack of inspiration and found myself trolling through the notes of years past.  I found one I forgot I wrote four years ago. (Man, it seems like so much more than four years.)  It was a declaration of my intention to celebrate life in 2010 and create a supper club.

It was the best New Year’s Resolution I have ever made.  It’s also the only one I think I’ve kept this long.

I am about to enter the fifth year of supper club.  I love how it has evolved and changed both in location and cast over the years.  From Newton to Worcester to my country house in Oakham.  Theater friends.  Writer friends.  Old roommates.  Lifelong friends.  Renewed friendships.   And who knew the food that could come from so many themes?  There has been something like 48 supper clubs… and close to as many themes.  The Roman Empire.  Pie.  Cooking our way through the 20^th century from vichyssoise to jello molds.  Food from books.  Breakfast.  A takeout tour of West Newton.  Guy Fawkes.  There always seems to be cheese.  And wine.

But the best part.  Conversation.  My favorite supper clubs are like those we had last weekend when all the wine bottles are empty, the fire curls up around log after log and then we look up and somehow the clock has slipped into the midnight hour without our knowing.  We talk a lot of theater and books but also (thanks to me) a healthy dose of politics and social justice… but all with a way of better knowing the people across the table.

I am very excited to start Supper Club 2014.  The fact the yearlong theme is Shakespeare is almost incidental to that excitement.  Almost.  Mostly because of all the things it has meant to me… and taught me in the last four years of gathering and feasting and drinking with friends.  I would like to hope that reading this you would be intrigued enough to join us… or at the very least start a supper club of your own.  Because, really, it makes life good.

Just in case you need some elaboration beyond that generic statement, here are a few things that I have learned from supper club.

1. Joy can come from very basic things.  You don’t need technology – you don’t even need electricity.  I always light candles at the dinner table.  And there was even one supper club where I prepared a meal without a stove (although that was thanks to the technology of a crock pot).  But it really doesn’t require a lot.  Everyone brings a dish (even better if they bring a bottle of wine).   I do ask in the investment of the gas it requires to come out to my house… but it’s nice to just sit and eat without a waiter checking in or a movie to rush off to and not talk…

2. Conversation happens.  People will inevitably find a way to fill the air, be they strangers or be they old friends.  And you can’t control it.  Sometimes I try steer it back when I hear something I think will taint the energy with malice.  Sometimes it is goofy or sometimes it is heady (my personal preference).  Sometimes there are so many people there are three or four conversations all at once and the intersections are the most amusing.

3. Eight is a perfect number.  Lots of elbow room.  Everyone feels part of the group… but there is still an option for segmentation.  Smaller groups are nice for intimacy… and often longer conversations.  Larger groups are nice for levity and sitting out on the back porch to combat the volume of the frogs.

4. The importance of an RSVP.  I confess this is something of which I am guilty… but of which I attempt to be more conscious when I leave an ambiguous maybe or non-response.  It is tough to plan for a maybe.  It is also (I confess) a slight against one’s ego if your invitation is just lingering out there waiting to see if something better comes along before a commitment.  Especially if buying a roast… because it sucks to have too little, but is also a pain when left with too much after.

5. Mostly though, it is just how you make your own happiness.  And that breeds more happiness.  I have resolved so many years to lose weight or give up this or give up that.  And those are all very well and good… to a point.  There is something more meaningful, though, in not resolving to take something out of one’s life, but to add to it.  I like cooking.  I like talking with friends.  I like themed gatherings.  But mostly I like that I know people without the filter of a blue screen.   We share laughter and sighs and recipes and music and plans beyond the dinner table.

Those are just a few things.  And even as I write them, I know there is room to grow and learn more.  But that’s the best thing, isn’t it?  Supper Club isn’t static.  It is rich with possibility of new menus and new conversations and new people at the table.  I look forward to all those opportunities and very glad that I had the inspiration to resolve this determination in 2010.