I’m going out there and saying I’m an American, I’m voting for Barack Obama, and this is why.

A few months ago I resolved to not drink wine and not visit Facebook before I go to bed.   I slept better… and well that there resulted in a better mood, a better day, and just overall a better way of seeing things.  But I haven’t been as good about that lately – especially last night when I was already on the computer watching C-Span.  And well, even though it lacked the blood boiling commentary of other ‘news’ outlets, I drank a little extra wine to keep myself calm.

So maybe that’s why I couldn’t sleep last night.  Why, even when I closed my eyes, my mind raced about politics.  Letting myself get annoyed about the debate.  Wondering if this is worrisome.  Wondering if I should do anything about it.  And then asking myself why I cared so much?  Is it really a better demonstration of personality to not care about politics?  And am I a better person (as I smugly congratulate myself for often enough) for being a liberal?

So maybe it was that last question that kept me awake a little longer.  I have heard (and also presume of those who haven’t voiced it) my friends with whom I don’t see politics on the same plane suggest I am brainwashed or naïve or succumbing to the great and mighty influence of manipulation.  So I contemplated that last night.  Why was I not as annoyed with Obama as everyone else is right now?  I wasn’t impressed… but I figured he had a rough day and wondered why he was some place else.  Is that just hero worship?  Because I’ve had those crushes before, when I’m aware of a guy’s faults and overlook them because he’s just so dreamy.  Is that the case here?  Am I just so in love with the idea of supporting the black guy that I don’t see the truth of Mitt Romney’s words?

A lot of people are talking about lies now.  Whatever.  Political truth is really dependent upon the reality with which we see the world.  And that struck me in a weird epiphany on my way to work.   When we see a thing through the lens of fear, it is much different than through the lens of hope.   So maybe my Obama devotion is that hope crack.  The fact I choose not to see the fear… does that make me wrong?  Or is it just that I’m wearing a different set of glasses?

Because the thing is… yesterday I was really annoyed with the bureaucracy of the government.  I had to make my way through a maze of paperwork that I still don’t really understand.  And yet I do.  And yet understanding it makes me sad because it has to do with the justice system.  And so I complained about it… when I realized I sounded like I belonged on Fox news.

And there are times when I hear one of my favorite terms on Fox.  Personal responsibility.  I think we mean the same thing.  And yet we don’t at all.  Because I am single.  I live on my own right now.  I am enormously frustrated that I don’t have someone to buy me things, at any level.  I take care of myself, almost too stubbornly.  And I get frustrated with people who don’t have that gumption.  I have very little patience with the panhandlers who stand at intersections looking at me in my car.  I get annoyed when I see someone on a fixed income have a piece of technology I won’t let myself go into debt to own. 

So… okay, I get it Republicans.  I get the gasp at the gas pump.  I also know I’m the moron who drives halfway across the state and imprints a carbon shadow, even with my super Kermit.  I read the news about Libya and Iran and I want to be safe.  It all costs money.  Money I could really use right now.  Money I don’t have any choice about keeping.  But there it is.

Maybe those sympathies could lead me down the thorny path to being… what is the socially acceptable term… fiscally conservative?  If I wanted to sulk and wallow in how horrible my still relatively middle class, white New England life is… because I’m going to have to budget my Starbucks expenses a little better or start sharing living expenses to take the edge off the hurt and the commute.  But I know that my problems are still a life someone else would envy.  I know even when I am reduced to making up meals from whatever canned good and pasta remain in my cupboard at the last week of the month is nothing compared to penny pinching when that EBT card gets reloaded.  Or… having to choose between buying a can of beans and a bottle of medicine.

And when I think of that I don’t know how – I would love to know if there is a way, honestly – I can stand with the Republicans.  I do see the world with hope, even if I am down in the dumps.  I usually wake up the next morning and see the promise of what could happen.  Maybe that is deluded.  I don’t know.

But what I do know, what I was able to collect in my brain are reasons why debate or no, silly stupid ads or no, Facebook commentary or no, I absolutely HAVE to vote for Obama.  Here are my top five.

     1. The Supreme Court.   – gay marriage, abortion (which this year has proven to me, once that can of worms opens up, it means any form of women’s reproductive health from birth control to cancer), and… that whole corporations are people BS.

     2. Obamacare.  Romney can turn his back on what he thought was a good idea in Massachusetts, but I won’t.  It’s a no brainer.  People get sick and need treatment.  Don’t pretend the bottom line is better than someone’s life. 

     3. The environment.  Romney mentioned coal last night.  And then drilling for oil in the oceans and federal land.  BP already proved why that’s a bad idea.  Never mind Mother Nature bitch slapping us with storms.

      4. It is important for a black man to get re-elected.  More than elected.  Maybe you think that’s incidental to the economy, the war, and everything else the pundits tell us is important.  But after four years of birtherism and cries of take my country back, it’s pretty obvious how far we still have to go towards racial justice.  Electing Obama again isn’t going to solve it.  It isn’t even going to open up the conversation significantly.  But it is a step forward.  Not back. 

   

      5. Okay.  I’m going to admit it.  I’m a liberal.  I stand with my party.  I will still soul search on this matter.   I honestly will.  But my thesis remains this morning as it always has been, I just like how liberals treat people.  I know they’re all still politicians.  But I prefer the party who chooses the rhetoric of we’re in it together over the disdain of I’ve got my own and to hell with everyone else.

I suppose the top 3 are better, more ‘concrete’ talking points.  And that’s the ultimate resolution of last night.  I’m not going to leave it to one debate.  I’m going out there and saying I’m an American, I’m voting for Barack Obama, and this is why.