purple people

So I had a dilemma this morning as I assembled my outfit for the day. On the very practical end of things, I was going to the Gardner Museum for an informational meeting. I needed to dress in something more formal than the jeans I can wear to work. But, they said we had to check coats and bags, so a dress or skirt without pockets was not a good idea. Then, I come to my office which is chilly in the early parts of the day – and the end when I’ll be staying late. But in between we roast in the afternoon sun. So… layers. And then, well, there’s this thing about wearing purple today.

Look in my closet and you will see a lot of black and purple. You might as well call me the Lavender Lady (ten points if you can guess that reference and its connection to the earlier paragraph). So, really, I’m not sure that my putting on a shirt of that color is really going to make a statement. 

What statement? Well, if you live in a hole or have somehow come by this blog without the aid of Facebook, that would be the solidarity of all textiles against gay bullying. By wearing… purple.

I ended up going with the purple. After deciding my original black shirt didn’t fit so happily over my hips in the black pants I selected. But, I also thought, well… bullying is an important issue in my life. So… what am I saying if I don’t wear purple today?

What am I saying because I do? That I think about those poor children who saw no other way out of the misery applied to them by bullies than by ending their own lives? That I condemn the ignorance and impolitic cruelty of the slurs that prompted such drastic action? Am I really saying that by the color of my clothing? 

Well, if it’s that easy, then hell, I’ll wear purple all the bloody time.

But the solutions aren’t that easy. It’s like the stupid breast cancer awareness BS. Oh, gee, I think about a problem. So I’m a good person. Pat me on the back. Give me my angel wings because I say something or type it into my seven hundred character status. See – if I do that, not only am I a good person, I completely erase my culpability. Even if while I wear my purple shirt I mutter an unkind remark about how so and so acts. Or if I make my nice ‘statement’ on the Facebook feed for all to see and just, well, sit here watching and listening to the world commit slights against one another.

Everyone argues that this is awareness. You know what? I was bullied as a kid. My mom went to the teacher. The teacher was made aware. She didn’t do anything. There were other kids on the playground who didn’t participate but saw my peers call me Messy Jessie or decide I wasn’t allowed to play the game. They were aware. They knew. They didn’t do anything.

I understand now, of course, that they didn’t know what to do. How do you battle cruelty? How do you summon the courage to stand up for someone without fearing it will make you the object of taunts and sneers? How do you take that awareness and make it into a remedy for a problem that seems impossible?

Isn’t it just easier to wear the right color?

Look, I’m not saying I don’t get the merit of this idea. There is something powerful in the collective grief over the despair of these young people. One wishes they could see how many people are wearing purple in their honor today. But… would not the better legacy to their sorrow be an actual change? And don’t point your finger at the school or the parents or the kids who said mean things to them. What about our own mean behavior? What about our own cattiness? Our own disdainful remarks against other human beings? Isn’t the best way to join together and say we are sorry these children took their lives to say I’m sorry to those we hurt and just be kind?